One time I threw up in the middle of living room at a house party and nobody noticed, but this isn't about that. The reality is that most people aren’t smooth, including me. I suppose one can learn how to be smooth, but I believe the smoothest people are born with it. You might call this “charisma.” These days your local youth might know it best as “rizz.”
Definitions of Charisma, via Merriam-Webster:
a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure (such as a political leader)
a special magnetic charm or appeal
Charisma, rizz, charming—it doesn’t matter what you call it. The real question is where does one get their magnetic charm and appeal? Surely not from a book called Flirting for Dummies. Some might say (me, a scholar) that to have charisma means to be able to fully accept yourself and your unique personality (usually with quick wit), even when you might come off as weird or embarrassing. There is surely some truth to this, but I think there’s more to it.
The truth is that most people are weird and embarrassing, whether it’s purposeful or not. Luckily it’s nothing to worry about because this, my friends, is called human nature. Here’s an example:
When out at a bar, Claire’s favorite pick-up line is “What are you doing here?” Unfortunately, Claire and many of her friends feel that this intro might come off as accusatory. It’s for this reason she has never used it. It’s also for this reason she would not consider herself a pick-up artist. That being said, maybe the right person would find this unusually direct question quite charming. So maybe it’s worth a shot. As for Claire, it’s not her fault that her brain turns to mush when she’s out in public and face-to-face with potential available hotties. Suddenly she can only communicate in two sentences, which are “I’m getting a beer” and “What is everyone doing here,” and on occasion, a third sentence: “What am I doing here???”
The reality is that being smooth isn’t always easy because it usually requires a few contrasting behaviors. You have to take risks, but not come off as presumptuous. You have to be quick on your feet, but not afraid of silence. You have to say what’s on your mind, but be aware of your attitude. And if/when all fails, you have to find the compassion for yourself to do it all again.
The above might sound agonizing and counterintuitive, but this is just what life’s all about—this is the zest that keeps us on our toes, the sour slice of lemon that bobs happily in our glass of fizzy soda water. We should all be excited to try our hand at being smooth (at least once). I’ll start, I swear.
Lastly, smoothness is also often determined by how you’re perceived in public. A creep is never smooth, even if he is being complimentary—that just makes him a smooth creep. But if you aren’t a creep—you clean up well, you understand the basic principles of respect, then your efforts at being smooth will only lead you to greatness.
And if you aren’t smooth, well then you can just forget about it.